Result of a Broken Heart

As upset as I can get with some people, there have been only two people in my life that have actually broken my heart. One was my best friend, the other was my boyfriend. As I compare the two, I realize they both broke my heart for the same reason: I cared about them and our relationship far more than they did. In both scenarios, the other person made me happy. I am a complex person with a lot of different aspects in my life, but I connected with these people in a multi-dimensional way. We had a relationship that I didn't share with anyone else and I treasured that.

In the first case of my best friend, I saw our friendship struggling and tried to save it. I tried to engage her in my life and be a part of hers. But she had moved on months earlier and had no intentions of actually continuing our friendship. She pushed me away when I tried to get close. After a while, I just stopped trying to fix things. To this day, I still don't understand what I did to her to make her not like me anymore.

In the second case of my boyfriend, I didn't know anything was wrong. He told me he was happy with our relationship. Since I saw nothing wrong, I saw no need to change anything. Then one day, he decided I wasn't worth his time and he left. To make matters worse, he didn't tell me why exactly he left, leaving me to get creative with his possible reasons. I managed to create so many new insecurities about myself that I was (and still am) convinced that I am unlovable. The people who do love me just don't know me that well.

Having the two closest relationships in my life end in almost the same way (the person ending it without giving me a reason why) has really skewed the way I think. I am convinced that my friends/boyfriends actually hate me and are looking for a way out of the friendship/relationship. I don't think I can open up to anyone ever again and, as a result, I internalize all of my pain.

So this is where I am emotionally and have been for months. I want to get closer to people, but my past hurts are preventing me from doing so. I don't know how to fix this.