The Little Things

I think about my future. A lot. Many people do, especially when they are in college. They think about their careers and their education and their families and more. But when I think about the future, I tend to think about the little things.

Instead of envisioning my wedding, my fantasies gravitate toward what I believe will be the typical day of my marriage. I picture me and my husband laying in bed as we fall asleep or discussing our day while preparing dinner or getting dressed in the mornings before we go off to work. Instead of thinking about the birth of my children, I think about a pretty normal interaction with them. Us playing together in the backyard or me pushing them down the street in the stroller or even them arguing with me. Instead of imagining how I would feel winning the Noble Prize, I think about normal lab/professor interactions. Me listening to graduate students share their progress or me sitting in my office writing a grant or me preparing lecture for the next week.

The things that I think about are probably the most monotonous parts of anyone's life. Why should I fantasize about the ordinary, the hum dum, the daily routine, when so many other people focus on the extraordinary, the WOW!, the once-in-a-lifetime? I've come to realize that the ordinary stuff is what makes up most of our lives. Yes the exciting stuff makes for fun stories and can give great personal motivation. But the majority of our time is spent in routines. If you don't enjoy the routine, you often won't enjoy your life, even with those occasional WOW! moments.

I try to make those routines something wonderful, something to look forward to, something that is worthy of a fantasy. Otherwise, I fear I will not enjoy my future.

New York!

Good job New York!

Time traveling through the blogosphere

Lately, I had the revelation that time existed before I was born. This seems like a rather obvious concept. But who really stops and acknowledges that there was a world years ago, one that is just as bustling and busy and wonderful as our world is today? Filled with ordinary people, just going about their day and living their lives, just like we do right now?

Specifically, I had this revelation while reading the CoCreateUMBC blog (one of my favorites). I was going through the old posts and looking at the dates they were written. I reached a point where the blog posts were written before I had started at UMBC and for some reason, I was amazed the campus existed before I got there. Since UMBC didn't exist (for me) until summer 2008 when I started summer bridge, I felt as if it shouldn't have existed for anyone at all either.

Maybe it's been all the Doctor Who I have been watching lately (finished 5 seasons of the new series in the span of a week), but reading the blog posts that pre-date my time here make me feel like I'm time traveling a bit. Like I'm a quiet observer in the history of this school, watching fixed points in time happen before my eyes. In particular, I like the CoCreateUMBC blog because it's not just facts and figures about the school. It's a first-hand account of the things that have happened at UMBC (as well as wonderful insights about life). The personal nature of the blog makes me feel like I really was at campus back then, even though I hadn't heard about UMBC at the time.

Some quotes and thoughts

Pretty Little Liars is normally just my guilty pleasure. But last night's episode had not one, but two, amazingly wonderfully deep quotes.

"it's amazing how much damage can be done when you have nothing but good intentions."

"you must give up the life you had planned in order to live the life that is waiting for you."

The first reminds me that have the best of intentions usually isn't enough. I really need to think through my actions and see if my plan is the best way to go about something.

The second reminds me that I shouldn't become too attached to my plans. While I may have great plans, life doesn't always go that way. Instead of focusing on the fact that my plans have gone awry, I should embrace the goodness of whatever life has in store for me.

In a bad place

I just want to graduate and make friends that have nothing to do with you.

Graduate school... what?!

So I have been slowly starting to look at graduate school programs. The more I look, the more terrified I become. As one of my friends pointed out, you take pretty much the same classes at any school for undergrad. But that's not true for graduate school. It's not just classes that I need to look at. I have to consider the research that is being done as well. Out of the hundreds (or thousands?) of biomedical engineering research projects being done right now, I have to select one that I want to do for the next five years. Plus, I have to consider the city that I will be living in. The cost of living, the vibe of the area, availability of public transportation, the local food, etc.

Does anyone else think this sounds like an INSANE idea?! I'm trying to decide my entire future... from a few webpages. I wouldn't pick my husband just by looking at a webpage, why should I do so little for a graduate school? It's basically like picking a life partner.

This is such an overwhelming process. Right now, I have a long list of graduate programs all over the country, with a strong preference for the mid Atlantic area (hey, I actually kind of like this area). I'm trying to narrow it down to 15 schools (with an eventual goal of 8)... but what if I pick the wrong ones? What if I eliminate the perfect graduate school program for me? What if the perfect program is far away from home? What if I'm not really interested in the topics I think I'm interested in? What if I can't handle being in a non-diverse environment again (UMBC's diversity has spoiled me so much)? What if the school I pick just... isn't right for me?

So many questions! But at the very least, I have people to help me with this next big step. I have never been so grateful for the M staff in my entire life.