This summer, more than any other time in my life, I felt that no one really had any expectations of who I am or what I should act like. I had no family nearby, no super close friends from home. It was just me and I could be whoever I wanted. Which led me to a series of questions. Am I happy with who I am now? What do I want to change about myself?
Conclusions:
- My relationship with God has drastically changed. I don't question the existence of God. But everything else regarding God just seems... pointless? When I go to church or read my Bible or pray, my heart's no longer in it. I have been doing it simply because it's what I've always done. God has done so much for me and I know that, but I feel I'm too busy and tired to really give up any of my time for Him. I'm not happy with my current relationship with Him, but I also wasn't happy with my old relationship with him.
- I think I am lazy, but in actuality I am a very hard worker. I have spent so much time in lab (which is where I am writing this post from) this summer. Why? Because research is the sole reason I am in Michigan. Meeting new people and traveling are nice side benefits, but I could have done that in Maryland. This same mentality exists during the school year. I spend so much time doing work for school and extracurriculars because it's the very reason I'm in school. A social life is a nice benefit, but not my primary purpose.
- I need to change things for
